it took for me to understand and accept it as a biological condition, not something i “thought myself into”.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
(The Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Niebuhr)

three months

A funeral, a birthday and a wedding.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.
(Job 1:20)

day two. week three. days attended: two. days passed: twelve school days.

gran. why, lord, why.

inching,  not even inching uphill.

have taken baby steps to fulfill an item on my "to-do-before-i-die" list. even if it turns out that i don't like it, that it wasn't all i imagined it to be, at least i'll have laid it to rest, knowing i gave myself the chance to try it. most of the time when it comes to such things, this is what matters - trying, and finding the courage to try.

We read to know that we are not alone."
— C.S. Lewis

需要学会择善而固执:

— Frederick Buechner

reading things like this that touch my heart is the reason why i read blogs. bloglines, livejournal friends, opendiary. in this order. OD has changed - new system, new layout yada yada. i don't like it, and those memories are fast disappearing-

oh well, we'll make new ones then

有时侯我会怀疑
主的爱真正的足够吗?
假如是的话,为什么我们都活得那么狼狈?
为什么生活里处处都是遗憾,缺陷,伤心,背叛?
有时侯我真的觉得...够了.
我不想再相信了.
有什么用,我也不知道.
什么都是短暂的...
朋友,爱情,荣耀,钱,快乐都是过眼云间的, 不实在的东西.
握在手里似乎很踏实,但心里依然是空虚的.
有了主真的有分别吗?
不是不想继续...只是道路上难免有质疑...思考一些问题.
有时侯主的爱和关切真的遥不可及...好象他高高在上, 和我的生活早已脱节了.
试问,他真的了解你一切痛楚吗?

这是我喜欢的一首歌...

难道说选择了忘记
而解放了自己
是否就拥有挑战爱情的勇气
当时光交成在一起成
说不清的思绪
我却只要那段最美的回忆


(pictures from gettyimages)
i randomly made the collage and took my breath away:)

i didn't mean it with my whole heart, neither did i believe that God would work in this short period of time.

i wondered if i could msg WW, D, or E last night but they feel very distant...
and a moment ago i receive a sms from D that reads:

"hey, heard from j about ur situation at home. hang in there, God will make a way. He is in control, u'll not be tested beyond what you can bear."

it feels like God's way of reaching my heart, to say that these friends are not too far away, and He is near.

thank God for for this little treasure, and T saying he'll pray as well.

《孤单芭蕾》
时光在旋转 一个人回想 重播的快乐时光
爱情很危险 所以要勇敢 时间会帮我的忙
墙上的钟响 过了12点 爱情也消失了吗
最后看你一眼 顺便告诉你 再见了我的国王
跳支芭蕾 one two three 纪念我爱过你
往事很美 我会踏着回忆的旋律 孤单单的跳到天亮
我不会 慢慢慢慢 忘记一段爱情
慌慌张张 跟着世界旋转
麻麻烦烦 天天胡思乱想 我不会
我不要 忙忙忙忙 故意欺骗自己
平平凡凡 忽略我的梦想
孤孤单单 夜夜看着月亮 办不到
为了爱情空转
拿走你的回忆


深呼吸 练习忘了你 别担心
我一定可以 我相信 爱有一种复原的能力
忘记你 爱我的原因
明天起 我不认识你
谢谢你 离开我的世界吧

so much for my happy ending

If You were a road
I'd learn every turn til I
Could find my way with my eyes closed
If You were a song
I'd sing along til I
Knew every word and every note

But you were everything to me
A mystery
Your the Love I live to see

Chorus:
By heart, by soul
Thats how I want to know You
Keep you as close as
Breath is to life
Wanna watch Your Love unfold
By heart, by soul

Verse 2:
If You were a place
I'd stay my whole life til I
Had every corner memorized
And if You were a star
I'f follow You home, You would be
The Light that is my only guide

You were everything to me
My A to Z
Your the Love thats lives in me

Bridge:
I wanna know You inside and out
Better than I even know myself

If You were a star
I'd follow You home by heart
By soul

Taken from here:

People will tell you all sorts of things- that you ought to forget about having great dreams coated with snowed-in sugar icing, that you ought to study more practical subjects, that you ought not to waste time pursuing unfruitful hobbies like painting or acting, that as a woman, heels ought to be part of your anatomy, you should never talk to strangers, that it's perfectly fine not to forgive certain people because of what they've done to you, that you have an illness, a condition and you ought not to pursue what you really want to do. Do the practical thing, make the safe choice, do what everybody else is.